Why *DO* I Run?

Why I Run.

This is a current blog prompt for a Skirt Sports challenge, but it's actually quite timely for me so I'm running with it. So to speak. Ahem.

There's a lot of talk in sports - particularly the solo ones - okay, maybe just triathlon - about "finding your why." Finding the reason(s) why you do what you do.

For a lot of people it's simple. For my health, for those who can't, to prove the naysayers wrong, to podium, etc. 

For me, however ... I've honestly struggled with this. I figured out "why IRONMAN." While I'm still not sure I actually want to do a stand-alone marathon, I absolutely love the Ironman marathon. Sure, both I've done have been in the six-plus hour range, but it's me. I know I can spend an insane amount of time on my feet. I also know that because I've made the run, I know I'll make the finish line ... and that finish line is one of the most amazing feelings ever. So I do the training to be able to swim and bike to get me to that run. 

(This also means that I'm not sure if I ever have the desire to actually race a 140.6 because that means the marathon part won't be fun.)

But that's only Ironman. One measly distance ... that's a super expensive time commitment, so I don't do it often.

I genuinely enjoy racing, too. I like the competition of yes, technically other people, but really, just yourself. I like the atmosphere. The training part is what's harder. (We've had this discussion here.)

That all being said ... I look at my tentative race schedule there on the sidebar and I wonder. I wonder if even half of it will come to fruition.

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I started running post-college.

I ran in sports pre-college and even for things during college, but throughout most of high school and college, hockey ruled my life.


That's me with the puck, trying not to lose it. I am a very defensive defenseman, so I didn't carry it often.

After I graduated, I moved back home and still played a little puck, but ice time was expensive and shh, I didn't really have health insurance so hockey probably wasn't a good idea. That summer, summer 2005, the neighborhood decided to put on a Fourth of July 5K. I'm still not 100% sure my reasoning, but in any case, I decided to run it. I did it with my dad, who would walk it.

It was hard (mostly because knowing Colorado as it is, it was probably 90-something degrees and the race is 300 feet up and then back down), but I did it, in 35:17.68.

I recall getting a job, getting health insurance, playing hockey ... but also going to the gym fairly regularly. I also decided I wanted to run it again, and this time do better.


Coming to the finish line. 7.4.06.

I achieved that goal, in 31:31. I still didn't necessarily think of myself as a runner (probably), but hey, not too shabby for my second-ever 5K, eh?

2007, I got talked into doing my first triathlon, so my race season expanded, from one to five. The early season 5Ks didn't go so well (particularly my third year at the neighborhood race - back in the 35s), but I completed my first sprint tri, and a little over a month later, set my 5K PR of 26:27, which still stands to this day*.

2008, Brandon came along, and I got a running buddy. By this point, I really enjoyed racing (as evidenced by the NINE races I did that year. from this point on, the least amount I'd do in a year was seven), and now I had someone else to join in on the fun with ... at least in terms of running.

I did the same triathlon again (alone), and it was terrible.


Body-language wise, you can tell I hate my life at that moment.


Because I had to. SkirtChaser race, 2008. Also my first official running skirt even though the shorties weren't long enough and it chafed the ever-living crap out of me that day. Skirt has improved things IMMENSELY over the years. I also kind of wish I had never gotten rid of that visor ...

From there, things progressed. A four-miler that fall. My first 10K, olympic triathlon, and half-marathon in 2010. First 70.3 in 2011. First 140.6 in 2013. And so it went, and I kept running. 

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Unlike many runners I know, I've never run that many miles in a year. The most was 488.23 in 2013, also known as IMAZ training. For this reason, I sometimes wonder if I am a true runner, or if I just do it at this point because 
a.) I like racing; and/or
b.) if I want to do multisport, running is part and parcel.

Running impostor syndrome, possibly? Knowing me, it's likely.

************

Which brings us to today. (Quite literally, as it stands.)

The initial goal was to do IM Wisconsin this year. That got shelved due to finances; it's fine. New plan was to keep rolling, keep training, maybe get fast** again. 

But now it's March. I haven't officially signed up for anything. The HR training I was doing I learned I wasn't doing correctly AT ALL, so that's four months gone. With the first technical running race on the schedule in about 6 weeks, I should start cranking up the miles (which, kind of) and the speed. And I really should get more focused on the bike. And swim more than 1200 in the pool.

And ... I'm just not sure if I want to.

I don't hate running. I don't think I love it, but I definitely don't hate it. Maybe I miss being faster, and I make too many excuses as to why I'm not. Oh, it's where I live. I don't live around a lot of hills anymore so that's why I'm not as strong as I was back when I lived in the south metro. I ran better when I was blissfully ignorant of how hard it was supposed to be. 

Knowledge is power? Knowledge can also be crippling.

************

So, why do I run? Why do I race? 

I started because it sounded like a good idea, something to do. I kept doing it because I liked the finish line. Maybe after over 100 of those, it's lost a bit of its luster for me. Maybe I need to reassess my goals and clear anything off my race calendar that doesn't sound FUN. 

Maybe I need to just stop dwelling inside my head and go out for my planned run.

Because, after all, at this point, I ultimately run because it's a part of me. Because I've been doing it for 13 (14? I never get year math right ...) years. Because I know that even if I walk away from it for a few weeks - like I have before - something internally will pull me back, even if it's not consistent.

I run now because running has wormed its way into my blood.



* dang it.
** well. fast for me.